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Still, we can't feel too much sympathy for the male contestants.The application process for Take Me Out isn't a cross between jury duty and an all-sexual Hunger Games.If he's chooser or chosen, then he wins, and gets to go on holiday to the Isle of Fernando (the real location was too embarrassed to use its real name) with a woman who will ultimately grow to loathe him in less time than it takes Jack Bauer to save the president from a terrorist attack.

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The buzzer makes a horrible, heart-breaking sound, which evokes a dying robot, a comically wilting erection in a Carry On film, or Piers Morgan climaxing.

His other catchphrase is never exactly the same twice – like a beautiful snowflake – but always follows the same structural template: ‘Let the ____, see the _____’.

For example: ‘Let the foxes, see the hound’, ‘Let the honeys, see the bee’, ‘Let the reproductive organ, see its corresponding reproductive organ’ and ‘Let the host, see the pay-packet.’ I’ll never forget the time when Paddy Mc Guiness opened the show with ‘Let he who is without sin, see the first stone’ and then proceeded to ritually murder all of the contestants.

Even his name is redolent of an Irish theme bar in Magaluf. ” “Ay oop, Paddy, I tell thee, ah wouldn't mind ‘im rakin' about in ma lady garden!

Paddy's hosting duties include trading in entendres so singularly explicit that they're basically line-readings from 1980s porn films, and teasing banter from the lairy ladies around the subject of their approval or disapproval of the plucky bachelor. ” (Ethel proceeds to snort like a dying walrus) Paddy's most famous catchphrase is ‘No likey? ’, which is almost Shakespearian in its poetic succinctness.

Imagine that the stock exchange traded exclusively in the concepts of self-esteem and dignity, and that its traders were all angry monkeys on heat. The man begins the game by ‘dancing’ for the ladies' delectation.

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