A reader recently shared that the original author was W. Bruce's original work can be viewed at Copyright 1998 W. Bruce has an outbound E-Mail list that you can subscribe to when visiting his Web-site. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me.This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter.Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget.However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your ass.Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you.Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When my Gulf War Syndrome starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my Daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips.Let me elaborate: When it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.”Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls.Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?